哀

我很矛盾..
为什么..
她再说话..
她在后面..
会让我如此地不舒服呢..
为什么..
我就是那么专心地去聆听她说的每一句话呢..
她一定会说我在偷听了..
可是..
我却狠不得换个位置...
不再听到她的声音..
可是...
却又没有必要为了她啊...
其实...很多不需要的东西..
却因为她..
使我乱想了起来...
什么事啊..
怎么我总觉得她一次又一次地夺走了我内心的平静呢..
好久了..
不..
应该说..
好多年了..
怎么办呢..
自己也应该习惯了吗...
可是...
我却依然茫然着..
前一些日子..
我..
终于...
平静了.
没有她在我身旁的日子..
可是..
为什么..
我一次又一次地陷入这个矛盾中呢..
我是真的真的不懂....
希望...
我能专著..
专著得忘了她的存在...

沉默

我爱上了
沉默..
因为..
它
让我一点都不孤独..
不再空虚..
那感觉非常棒..
不是刺激的那种棒..
而是...
好平静的那种..
我爱透了那感觉...
不用伪装..
不用强言微笑...
真的很好很好...
只需静静地...
看着窗外的一切...
舒服透了...
我需要...
安静....

blekz

i really don't have an way to express my emotion sometimes..
just have to pretend to be no emotion at all sometimes in school..
although i feel damn unhappy and damn it!
i really don't like that attitude..
who does she think she is..
athough she is very talented and i know
everyone will say she is a genius.
i think so..
she is really really brilliant..!
but what's that attitude..huh!/
when talking to her...she just answer what she want...
and ignore the other questions...
and you can be asking her the question this minute..
the next minute she say to other..
o,lets go..
wow!
so embarrassing..!
just like i am invisible..
why am i being so stupid want to talk with her..
and when i talk with others ...
she can be her in a second..
and ignore the conversations that are going..
just ask what she is..
i know she is a genius..
and her time is much more precious...!
but pls don't show this disrespect for me ...
PISS OFF!
anyway..
i feel grateful enough..
now..
i have been avoiding talking to her much..
anything i don't know..
i just ask other people than her.
even if i can't get the answer..i will avoid to ask her..
don ask her don ask her..
i keep reminding myself..
i am sorry to say that
I HATE HER SO MUCH SOMETIMES!

holiday?

it's holiday now...but ...
i am not sure whether it's a holiday for me..
a whole two weeks of tuition..
i am sure this is not my usual self..
taking a tuition class that cost my holiday...
i had even sacrificed my chinese,english and malay tution last year because i want to relax..
and now
i am taking a moral tuition for 2 weeks times..
a tuition holiday...~
totally tuition holiday..
am i doing the right thing for attending this tuition..
or i am just following people?
i hate this thought so much..
i hate myself so much when i am just folowing people..
that's a huge HATE!
anyway..
i don't thnk i am just following people..
perhaps i really need this tuition...
2 weeks...8 days..
just enjoy the classes...and bring yourself the joy~

lost

wow...
a three weeks of examination finally was over..
i felt torture enough just for this three weeks examination...
wow
i dono how i manage to go through the trail and spm..
it's a month then...
i just have to keep telling myself..
have faith
have faith
why am i feel so lost sometimes...
just..
indescribable..
especially when someone was there keep teasing about my hard work
frustrated about it..
anyway
this yea is much luckier
i tried to be alone sometimes
to avoid that types of unreasonable 'opinion'
i am happy for myself
at least i know how to avoid some friends...
what true friends means..
i am not sure about it a all..
i am lost..
totally...
especially when she is a friend of about 10 years..
you can't just say you hate her..
because it's your friends for te years..
how can a people hate a person the same time and be her friend for the long period?
i guess..
it's weird..
i just don't like her talking style..
it piss me off..
and it grab away the peaceful feeling in my heart sometimes..
i try to control myself..
lately..
have try to ignore lots of emotion..
lots of conversation...
lots of things.
i don't know how well it worked out...
i hope it will work out..
just switch off the negative emotion is my dream..
is huge dream..
izzit everybody's dream?
i guess..

add oil

cry is an action of weak...
tears indicate weak..
sob means you are not strong enough..........
i am..
i am not strong..
i hurt easily by others..
they said that means people easily defeated me..
because they can hurt me so easily..
i can be hurt so easily....
means i am WEAK!!!!!!!!!
i am different..
don't compare..
don't ever feel you are not worth it because you are comparing with people..
you are different..
you are special..
different people are good at different field..
that's all..
love yourself^^~
now..
it's just a practice.
i just need more time than others to practice..
to make myself better...
it's a matter of time..
i promise myself..
i will be a stronger person..
i will prove to people how much i worth..

don't be afraid!

don't afraid of lonely...
be independent..
and you will realize that lonely is nothing..
you can treasure some fun instead...
just wait....
cool yourself down before getting angry..
when the sense of betrayal attacking..
just let it be..
don't waste time on this type of rubbish...~
as this type of friends..
are never real friends...~
be yourself...
love yourself..
cheer yourself..
be happy...~
smile and laugh..
treasure life...
that's nothing tough if you keep yourself peace..
not letting anyone affect your mood so easily...~
remember..
never afraid of lonely..
and show out your confidence!!!!!!!!!!!!