frustrated..

wow..finally trial exam past...although it is just trial..i m hapi enough^^~
i am so agitated..
she shouldn't be like this..
you know..
i try to being a friend..
and all she do is hurt me again and again..~
was that a war?~
you know how much i hate that..
i love peace more than anything else..
and you had took it away from my heart and mind..
don't..
do you know what?
i am going to say the same thing...
all comes around goes around...~^
maybe GOD want me to be strong..

....

呜....
我就知道补习坐她前面是不能听课的..
我也不知道..为什么..
该说她乱吗..
不是啊..
大家都很乱..但只要听到她的声音..
我就真的感觉到很烦很烦了啊...天啊..
真的有种骂粗口的感觉啊...!
我真的真的很讨厌她拉!
就是..
我不会..
我也不敢开口问老师了..!
真的非常讨厌...
因为只要问..
她又会在那边说三说四了啊..
要不然..
就是那一副跟旁边的人说..
:喂,你看,她会也...
:我又最后了啦..
她说出来的话就是给我一种很不舒服的感觉就对了!
她就不断地在那边说她以前多聪明什么的..
还说什么比很多人好..
我倒是不清楚啦..
因为以前还笑..
我怎么会去比来比去呢?
她那爱比又超爱妒嫉的性格和言行真的让我很不舒服..
非常地不舒服!
呜..
真的很长pek cek..
补了一个星期的道德一大堆疑问却没问去..
我真的很讨厌补习时做在她的前后拉..
我就知道她一定会夺去我的平静!!!!!!!!!
上次马来文也是蛤..
乱死了..
她每次都让我美好的心情给破坏耶!
不然就是弄到我不想听课了...
因为她很喜欢做那一副很讨人厌的模样..
好象只要她不能听课..
别人也一定要跟她一起不听课的样子啊..
我真的气暴了!

下次不惜一定不可以这样了!
一直忍,忍,忍..也不是办法啊!!!!
啊!就算了吗?
每次都这样..
好像很没原则也!
努力控制自己的耳朵啦..
关掉她的声音!!!!!!!!!!!
不要管她啦!
浪费时间和精力在一件那么看不顺眼的事情上是很傻的行为...

没法子..我就是比别人敏感啊.........

what a holiday~

it was not a holiday that i planned..
with songs,
story books in an air-cond room..
with movies..
hanging out ...
bla!!!!!!wake up..
and it's tuition time!!!
i know i should stop complaining about it..
i know i am not this type of 'strong' person..
that can go for non-stop tuition..
this is not my style..
i believe in myself more..
have faith...
don't just depends on tuition..
trust yourself..
i keep reminding myself..
how much time i still need to remind myself about this??

no peace

just now i was damn shocked..
wow..
the first time i knew the feeling of scary..
and when i was shocked...
my mind just went blank and..
i juz can run..
nth else..
that two man just saw me and smile and laugh!
sucks...!
they were like doing some dirty expressions..
ouk!!!!!!!!
then i am scared enough and ran..
then suddenly..
a motor pass by..
i thought is that two men..
but no..
it was another one man..
and after he is gone..
he turned back his head and stared at me..
he just gave me a feeling like he was going to turn back..
oh my god..!
i was so scared..
and every house seems so quiet..
no people are outside at all..
if really anything happen,i really don't know what will happen..
thanks god..nth happen..
i promise..
i won't walk on the road alone again!
NEVER EVER NEVER!
AND THAT IS JUST A VERY SHORT DISTANCE..
although it was a short distance..
it had made my hearts pump fast for one hour..
ok..maybe i was gutless..
anyway..
i just had a very bad feeling just now..
feeling like i am in a dangerous situation..
it was like a mere escape..
if jus now i was in another dark lorong...
i was almost sure the man on motor will turn back..
it was like a nightmare..
although few minutes..
it was a life experience..
i will never walk alone at the outside of my house..
i really can't imagine if anything happen..
how much regret i will in..
just to eat hokkien mee..
it was an unsafe taman..
taman petani jaya..
no peace....

damn it! damn it! damn it! damn it!!

damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!
damn it!

哀

我很矛盾..
为什么..
她再说话..
她在后面..
会让我如此地不舒服呢..
为什么..
我就是那么专心地去聆听她说的每一句话呢..
她一定会说我在偷听了..
可是..
我却狠不得换个位置...
不再听到她的声音..
可是...
却又没有必要为了她啊...
其实...很多不需要的东西..
却因为她..
使我乱想了起来...
什么事啊..
怎么我总觉得她一次又一次地夺走了我内心的平静呢..
好久了..
不..
应该说..
好多年了..
怎么办呢..
自己也应该习惯了吗...
可是...
我却依然茫然着..
前一些日子..
我..
终于...
平静了.
没有她在我身旁的日子..
可是..
为什么..
我一次又一次地陷入这个矛盾中呢..
我是真的真的不懂....
希望...
我能专著..
专著得忘了她的存在...

沉默

我爱上了
沉默..
因为..
它
让我一点都不孤独..
不再空虚..
那感觉非常棒..
不是刺激的那种棒..
而是...
好平静的那种..
我爱透了那感觉...
不用伪装..
不用强言微笑...
真的很好很好...
只需静静地...
看着窗外的一切...
舒服透了...
我需要...
安静....

blekz

i really don't have an way to express my emotion sometimes..
just have to pretend to be no emotion at all sometimes in school..
although i feel damn unhappy and damn it!
i really don't like that attitude..
who does she think she is..
athough she is very talented and i know
everyone will say she is a genius.
i think so..
she is really really brilliant..!
but what's that attitude..huh!/
when talking to her...she just answer what she want...
and ignore the other questions...
and you can be asking her the question this minute..
the next minute she say to other..
o,lets go..
wow!
so embarrassing..!
just like i am invisible..
why am i being so stupid want to talk with her..
and when i talk with others ...
she can be her in a second..
and ignore the conversations that are going..
just ask what she is..
i know she is a genius..
and her time is much more precious...!
but pls don't show this disrespect for me ...
PISS OFF!
anyway..
i feel grateful enough..
now..
i have been avoiding talking to her much..
anything i don't know..
i just ask other people than her.
even if i can't get the answer..i will avoid to ask her..
don ask her don ask her..
i keep reminding myself..
i am sorry to say that
I HATE HER SO MUCH SOMETIMES!

holiday?

it's holiday now...but ...
i am not sure whether it's a holiday for me..
a whole two weeks of tuition..
i am sure this is not my usual self..
taking a tuition class that cost my holiday...
i had even sacrificed my chinese,english and malay tution last year because i want to relax..
and now
i am taking a moral tuition for 2 weeks times..
a tuition holiday...~
totally tuition holiday..
am i doing the right thing for attending this tuition..
or i am just following people?
i hate this thought so much..
i hate myself so much when i am just folowing people..
that's a huge HATE!
anyway..
i don't thnk i am just following people..
perhaps i really need this tuition...
2 weeks...8 days..
just enjoy the classes...and bring yourself the joy~

lost

wow...
a three weeks of examination finally was over..
i felt torture enough just for this three weeks examination...
wow
i dono how i manage to go through the trail and spm..
it's a month then...
i just have to keep telling myself..
have faith
have faith
why am i feel so lost sometimes...
just..
indescribable..
especially when someone was there keep teasing about my hard work
frustrated about it..
anyway
this yea is much luckier
i tried to be alone sometimes
to avoid that types of unreasonable 'opinion'
i am happy for myself
at least i know how to avoid some friends...
what true friends means..
i am not sure about it a all..
i am lost..
totally...
especially when she is a friend of about 10 years..
you can't just say you hate her..
because it's your friends for te years..
how can a people hate a person the same time and be her friend for the long period?
i guess..
it's weird..
i just don't like her talking style..
it piss me off..
and it grab away the peaceful feeling in my heart sometimes..
i try to control myself..
lately..
have try to ignore lots of emotion..
lots of conversation...
lots of things.
i don't know how well it worked out...
i hope it will work out..
just switch off the negative emotion is my dream..
is huge dream..
izzit everybody's dream?
i guess..

add oil

cry is an action of weak...
tears indicate weak..
sob means you are not strong enough..........
i am..
i am not strong..
i hurt easily by others..
they said that means people easily defeated me..
because they can hurt me so easily..
i can be hurt so easily....
means i am WEAK!!!!!!!!!
i am different..
don't compare..
don't ever feel you are not worth it because you are comparing with people..
you are different..
you are special..
different people are good at different field..
that's all..
love yourself^^~
now..
it's just a practice.
i just need more time than others to practice..
to make myself better...
it's a matter of time..
i promise myself..
i will be a stronger person..
i will prove to people how much i worth..

don't be afraid!

don't afraid of lonely...
be independent..
and you will realize that lonely is nothing..
you can treasure some fun instead...
just wait....
cool yourself down before getting angry..
when the sense of betrayal attacking..
just let it be..
don't waste time on this type of rubbish...~
as this type of friends..
are never real friends...~
be yourself...
love yourself..
cheer yourself..
be happy...~
smile and laugh..
treasure life...
that's nothing tough if you keep yourself peace..
not letting anyone affect your mood so easily...~
remember..
never afraid of lonely..
and show out your confidence!!!!!!!!!!!!

stress!

wow!!!!!!
i don't know how to find out some time to revise my homework....!
since everyone routine is full..
back from school..
it's late...
browse through the newspaper..
and sleep for just about 45 minutes...
and it will be six o'clock..
go to the garden to have a walk..
and after coming back...
bath..
it's 730..
it's time to eat..
after eating..
it's about 815..
and rest 4 a while..
playing computer for a while..
and that will be my whole day..
so stress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
can't even find out time to study...!!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't let me down

wah...
what a mix-bla-bla-bla mood!!!!!!!!!!!
whats!
i am happy~
but i am going to cry!!!!!!!!!!
what's this mood!
huh?!!!!!!!!!!
happy>?sad>?
i don't even know..~i hope i know better..
in this situation..
i don't make me hope much..
because i am scared of losing the kind of waiting mood!!!!!!!
please..
don't let me down..
or..
i won't ever ever forgive you!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one day
i want to be your friends..
i want our time to be back..
back to a better future..
better friendship...
i want it..
can you understand ??~
huh?~
but one day
i saw you
and you are the one like i had never know before..
who are you???~
are we still FRIENDS?

shut up!

i am so .!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the words...told her her...!
wat the!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am just so angry about it..!!!!!!!!!!
that's what you like?
comparing around?
comparing about this and that?
i don't like about it okay>?
just shut up before..
i said 'shut up' in front of you
!
okay!
just shut up!just shut up shut up shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am not a good-tempered person okay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shut up..
don't make me rude!

THE FIRST SCHOOLDAY

wow..
the first day of school in 2011...
my first day in form 5 life...
and my last chance of tasting the first day of high school's life..
i don't know what word is suitable to describe my first day..
i just know that sometimes..
we need to be proactive to get what we really want..
and not just sitting there...
and waiting for the chance to come knocking the door...
because this is ridiculous..
i am always the one waiting..
waiting for people to help me..
waiting for people to give me opportunity..
i know i am being ridiculous too..
because just now i feel sad for a little moment..
because from assistant monitor..
i get nothing in class this year..
and a little bit of frustration maybe..
anyway..
i don't even know the reason i am thinking like this..
since i reject myself what comes to me..
bm pj..
whatever..
i should know that when we want something,
we should always get it ourselves..
and not dreaming and hoping people to fulfill your wish..
just like the lessons go,
they are never real Santa Claus during Christmas time...
they are just your parents,
or someone that cares about you..
someone that love you..
but..
as life goes..
the one that loved and protect you can't always be beside you..
being your angel
isn't means all the time..
sometimes
we just need to be more independent..
and work hard for what we really want..
not wasting time waiting for the opportunity..or wasting time being down about the way yourself lose the chance..
chance comes and go..
and always..
i am the one that let it go..
but this only teach me to grab the opportunity more tightly next time...
so that i won't lose it
again and again....
i know i shouldn't feel negative in the first day..
but still
i lighten up myself..
by trying to talk...
sometimes..
i just can't find the right words..
anyway..
i enjoy the time to laugh loudly and uncontrollably...